For the record I am almost always a blissfully happy, white, thin, upper middle class, smart, creative teenage girl with a future.

Yet I'm also a blank canvas. Not like it's really a bad thing. Maybe that's why I've always been friends with artists, musicians, actors? I've got a limited amount of witty comments, I can get conversations started, but that's really my only skill. I'm something for people to act off of, I'm a mirror, a sidekick to everyone's routine. I've got a endless list of friends with record deals, that've been published, had their work in art shows. I'm just the girl with the quips, the bounce board for you to work with. I'm so typical; reading through Chuck Palahniuk's quotes, I could swear he's talking about me. Is the "darker" side of things really so bad? What makes them darker? What makes death so bad, hurting another so evil? It's all about your perception. And if it's your perception, as your mirror, I guess I think the same.
I think for Christmas, I'll ask for a personality.

Have you ever felt so uncomfortable in your skin, know that you're not yourself, just a picture of a picture of a picture? Not the real thing. Not close. Had to force a smile, laugh, that goddamn goofy dance you're known for. I feel like I'm twelve again, eating my feelings, staying in or forcing myself to go out and end up miserable and making snide comments that ruin everyone's night. That girl this June is an entirely different girl, someone I can't relate to. She was bright and shiny, sparkly and magical. She was a novelty, a breath of fresh air. Now a gust of frigid stale air. Sleep's never enough anymore, I'm always tired. I wish my life wasn't on the same damn track, I'm on a rollarcoaster going in a loop, same highs, same lows. But the lows are always more so than the highs.